Thursday, March 1, 2012

7 Times

Recently in the headlines we have seen a lot about the rumor that Rhianna is back with Chris Brown.  There is a lot of talk and opinions going around about this subject and although I have had my own opinions on the matter I've not said anything till now.  Like with any emotional subject I always think that it is best to give it time and to really think through how you feel before just opening your mouth and spewing out opinions in the heat of the moment.  Over the past few weeks my opinion on this matter has actually changed somewhat and it is only now that I think I have a clear opinion on the whole thing.  I started out as most with just plain disgust and turning my nose up at Rhianna and asking the question like "How could she be so stupid?" and "What message does this send to our younger generation?"  I now realize that I was viewing this subject as an outsider as someone from the general public, someone who has never been in this sort of situation herself.  I understand how I and other people could make these statements and judge her for her actions.
However, now as I am writing this I am looking at Rhianna through the eyes of a survivor.  I understand why and how if the rumor is true that she could go back to Chris.  I know because I am now educated to the issue of domestic violence that the average woman goes back to her abuser 7 times.  7TIMES!!  She is no longer a pop icon in my eyes but a battered woman who is making the choice to return to her abuser.  I don't know if she has had and therapy or counseling after what she went through, but even if she has it does not make it any easier for her.  Just like an alcoholic will always be an alcoholic ...... Rhianna will always be an abused woman.  She will have that weakness when it comes to Chris just as an alcoholic has with alcohol.  I can't tell you exactly what she is thinking but I can make a pretty good guess. You can bet that these are the sort of statements she is saying to herself....."He has not hit me or anyone else in over 3 years!"  "He has taken anger management classes and I know that he can control himself now"  "He is the only man I will ever lover and will ever love me."  "Maybe he is different, maybe our situation is different, maybe he CAN change!"

I know this because I have walked in her shoes......I have spoken will many other women who have stood where she stands and where I have stood.  It is always the same situation all that changes are the names.  I was separated from him for almost 3 years and once again I let him back in my life.  In stead of judging Rhianna I am fearful for her as the situation is never different and I hope for her sake that this is all just that a rumor.

For me it is going on 5 years that I have been out but still to this day I know that I do not and cannot be in the same room with that man.  Someone recently asked me if I saw him again what would I say and my response was....."I'd turn and walk the other way!"

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