Tuesday, September 11, 2012

Catholic Charities

This was filmed a few years ago and I am so proud of the story they told.  I am thankful to the people who are in my life and who have contributed to the life I have today.  I am extremely thankful to Catholic Charities because I truly believe that they helped save my life.  I know that what they do is a thankless job and to each and every person who touched my life along they way I owe you my deepest gratitude.  I know every journey begins with one simple step and Catholic Charities helped get me started on this journey.  


(This is a horrible picture ugggg)

Thursday, March 1, 2012

7 Times

Recently in the headlines we have seen a lot about the rumor that Rhianna is back with Chris Brown.  There is a lot of talk and opinions going around about this subject and although I have had my own opinions on the matter I've not said anything till now.  Like with any emotional subject I always think that it is best to give it time and to really think through how you feel before just opening your mouth and spewing out opinions in the heat of the moment.  Over the past few weeks my opinion on this matter has actually changed somewhat and it is only now that I think I have a clear opinion on the whole thing.  I started out as most with just plain disgust and turning my nose up at Rhianna and asking the question like "How could she be so stupid?" and "What message does this send to our younger generation?"  I now realize that I was viewing this subject as an outsider as someone from the general public, someone who has never been in this sort of situation herself.  I understand how I and other people could make these statements and judge her for her actions.
However, now as I am writing this I am looking at Rhianna through the eyes of a survivor.  I understand why and how if the rumor is true that she could go back to Chris.  I know because I am now educated to the issue of domestic violence that the average woman goes back to her abuser 7 times.  7TIMES!!  She is no longer a pop icon in my eyes but a battered woman who is making the choice to return to her abuser.  I don't know if she has had and therapy or counseling after what she went through, but even if she has it does not make it any easier for her.  Just like an alcoholic will always be an alcoholic ...... Rhianna will always be an abused woman.  She will have that weakness when it comes to Chris just as an alcoholic has with alcohol.  I can't tell you exactly what she is thinking but I can make a pretty good guess. You can bet that these are the sort of statements she is saying to herself....."He has not hit me or anyone else in over 3 years!"  "He has taken anger management classes and I know that he can control himself now"  "He is the only man I will ever lover and will ever love me."  "Maybe he is different, maybe our situation is different, maybe he CAN change!"

I know this because I have walked in her shoes......I have spoken will many other women who have stood where she stands and where I have stood.  It is always the same situation all that changes are the names.  I was separated from him for almost 3 years and once again I let him back in my life.  In stead of judging Rhianna I am fearful for her as the situation is never different and I hope for her sake that this is all just that a rumor.

For me it is going on 5 years that I have been out but still to this day I know that I do not and cannot be in the same room with that man.  Someone recently asked me if I saw him again what would I say and my response was....."I'd turn and walk the other way!"

Tuesday, January 10, 2012

Still Standing....

I dedicate this to all the women who have been where I have been.....who have stood in my shoes.......who are still struggling to find their way out.  Women are strong a beautiful creatures and we will continue to get back up and push our way through the storm.  Trust me if I can do it you can too.  I love you all....your my inspiration, my drive and you give me courage to keep standing.  Keep your head up! 
Thank You... Amber, Lindsey, Falan, Tiffany, Sarina, Sasha, Luz, Mary, Lalena, Kyichia, Kaci, Jennifer and Felicia.

Sunday, January 8, 2012

Dating .....children NOT included!

Not really sure where I am going to go with this post but I have a lot going on in my mind right now so bare with me as I try to explain it in a way that is easy to understand.  There is an issue that has been bothering me for some time but I have chosen not to talk about it as I was afraid to step on some people's toes but it is a topic I feel very compassionate about.  I actually take pride in the fact that I don't really shield my children from the world or sensor to much with them.  Some people would not agree with this approach with parenting but then everyone is entitled to their opinion.  Just like you I have an opinion on raising children and I am about to share that here.  Even though I pride in the non sensor ship that takes place in my home there is one thing that I do continue to shield my children from and that would be my relationships with other men.  I don't agree with and never have agreed with having your children around men that you are casually dating or what ever you call it.  I think we as adults have a hard enough time dealing with the emotional aspects of being in a relationship and asking our children to engage in that is just plain MAD!  I can count on one hand the number of men that I have let into my home and around my children.  One I have known for over 15 years and the other is one of my best friends.  At the same time that these men were around my children they had no idea that I was engaged in a relationship with these men.
I have had this talk with my children and they know that I am dating but they are also aware that they will not be meeting anyone until it gets to be serious and when I say serious I mean months into the relationship.  I would never ask my children to have to deal with the emotions that come along with a broken relationship.  I think we downplay how quickly children can get attached to another man.   This point was made very clear to me just the other night while having what I thought was a playful conversation with my 10 year old daughter.  My daughter asked me if I ever wanted to get married again.  I thought about it and said no probably not and she seemed distressed by this answer.  I jokingly made the statement that she was just upset cuz she wanted to be in a wedding or be a bridesmaid.  She turned her face away from me and when I turned her face back to mine I could see her eyes welling up with tears.  She then made a statment that will be forever engraved in my memory......."I just wanna know what it's like to have a daddy."  With that we both started to cry.  So you can say what you want but I would never "dangle" that dream in front of her without knowing it was a real possibility.
I'm not going to tell other women how to raise their children but I just really wish they would think twice about this one thing as I think it can affect a child for life.  I don't know if my daughter will ever get her wish but I can tell you this that I am not out looking for someone to  fulfill this wish.  I am going to continue to date and if the guy does not meet the qualities I feel are necessary to be a good father then there is no need to go any further with it.  I mean why can't women just date????  Why does every relationship we have with men have to be serious and why does he have to always be "THE ONE!"  I can date and still be a good mother.  A man will not take me away from my children and they will always be my first priority but I am also entitled to my free time.
Ok that is all I have to say on this matter.